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Three Weeks Post Maternity Leave

photo by Syliva Mackey of http://thisgirlsylvia.com/

photo by Syliva Mackey of http://thisgirlsylvia.com/

Here’s a thought that isn’t going to blow your mind - Being a working mom is hard. Seriously, it’s really really hard. Somehow with two littles the hard factor bumped up ten notches and I’m no longer of the attitude that I can wing it and have it all. This isn’t to say to I think I can’t have it all but there is certainly no room for winging it. Multi-tasking is also out of the question for me too.

Both have been skills I’ve been very proud of, so how did this beloved pair turn on me? My biggest struggle with balancing my life is not being able to be fully present and find peace in the moment.  What were two helpful and necessary skills have become traits that block me from being present. 

It’s easier when I’m at home with Jackson and Grey. Hoping to make them smile and laugh, reading books and singing Disney songs blocks out all the noise. But there are times I find myself complaining to Mr. Jeremy about things that happened in the day or running my to do list in the back of my head. Likewise at work, I can quickly jump into thoughts of what I can be doing better, new things I’d like to try and wondering what the littles are doing at home. Between letting go to the noise in my head and running from meeting to meeting I barely get anything done while at work. There’s nothing worse then a looming inbox and projects waiting for you every time you open up your laptop or phone. 

The biggest problem is it's the lack of presence that welcomes that little voice to tell you you’re not enough. You’re not doing enough, not giving enough, not living enough. As a mother that intentionally sets the tone for her littles, that voice just isn’t acceptable. It isn’t true and therefore isn’t welcome. 

What I’m learning is that in order to be a woman that lives in the present, and radiates peace, I have to slow down. Slowing down helps me do more. 

The first step for me is planning. If I can narrow down my daily decisions, especially around how my day is structured, I can focus on Disney dance parties or tackling my inbox. I can enjoy putting my littles to bed and not worry that I didn’t get enough done during the day. I can work on my career goals instead of drowning in unanswered emails.

Doing it all quickly and at the same time isn’t realistic. It isn’t an expectation I’m willing to hold myself to and it doesn’t allow me to be present and bring focus to my day. Slowing down, planning and be flexible with it all allows me the space I need to be all the things I enjoy being - a wife, mother, professional, thinker and dreamer. 

Starting with a plan, find presence often, and feeling peace at the end of the day is what I can hold myself too. It’s what I can do to make this working-mom thing work. It’s what I can do to give my littles the attention they need, Mr, Jeremy too and leave room for myself.