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2016: relationships part 1

My word for this year is - Relationships. Instead of a laundry list of resolutions, I’m focusing on a single theme in 2016. My relationships. 

I’m going to say it, I’m not a good friend. Besides Mr. Jeremy (and we should probably ask him for validation) I can’t remember the last person I was a good friend to. At least not consistently. 

Relationships are hard for anyone. They’re really hard for me. Being a mom has made the relationships outside my family especially difficult (and even inside my family). But being a mom has made relationships even more important. Not only does your understanding of love grow by 100%, but it really does take a village. 

This year I’m working on my village. 

At some point in my life I decided I didn’t need close friends. You know, the one’s you talk to every day all day. The kind of friends you call when you’re upset and just need to be heard. I was never good at having friends growing up either. I could do one or two close friends at a time and when I moved on to some one new I would completely forget about the last person. A bad habit I picked up from moving from town to town. And if I think about what has held me back it’s easy to sum up. I’m afraid. 

I’m afraid to be vulnerable with people. I’m afraid some one will need to be vulnerable with me. I’m afraid that the energy I give will not be returned. I’m afraid to loose that friendship. 

Because of that fear I’ve lost the part of me that’s incredibly social and loves people. I’m recognizing now how important that is. I’m also recognizing now how cynical not having close relationships is making me. 

To sum it up, I won’t be afraid of relationships in 2016. My family will come first.  I’m intentionally trying to love them, support them and bring them as much joy as possible. I’ll also focus on my friendships - building and rebuilding. 

An easy task for a lot of people, for me it means stepping out of my norm. The progress here should be interesting.